I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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