I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
