the condom got lost in my hair
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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