I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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