Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
