my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
