She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
