Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
