please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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