So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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