I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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