alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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