Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
