Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
