from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
