so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
