Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
