pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
