The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
