she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
