hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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