Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
