Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
