I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
