I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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