just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
