So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
