My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
