I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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