I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
