If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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