I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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