Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I would fuck him just for his dog
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