ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
