Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
