4 words: hood of his car
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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