Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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