Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
