I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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