Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's always time for handjobs
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
