I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
