He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
