census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
God gave him joint rollers for hands
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
