Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
