shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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