can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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