Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
