life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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