Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
