I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
