I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
