fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
