i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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