me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
