my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
love makes seman taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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