Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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