Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize