your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
