Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
