as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
