Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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