So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
