"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
bring money and cleavage
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
