Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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