i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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