i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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