i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
