You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
