I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
