oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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