So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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