A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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