plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize