how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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