I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
