Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
