i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
