Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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