I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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