Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
