At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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