"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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