So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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