worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
