I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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