wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
