I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I stole a fireplace last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
