good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
