im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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